In adolescence, many people worry over trifles, thinking that they will affect their adult happiness. Over the years, the priority list has changed. If you put your hand on your heart and answer the question, what other things from that very list are important, the majority will say that everything is secondary.

There is a well-known saying: "Time is young - time is golden." Boys and girls who have just graduated from school can choose any specialty and dare ... In fact, not all of them take the right steps towards their happiness. They do not have life experience and clear thinking, so as not to be mistaken. Therefore, they have no reason to consider themselves happy.

Recently, they conducted a study, surprisingly finding that happy adults are over 50 years old. 61% of respondents said that in their youth they did not have the resources for life, but now they have everything and they are happy. What does the feeling of happiness look like through the eyes of an adult? He travels, learns foreign languages, learns to play the guitar or balalaika. All roads are still open before him... You just have to dare...

What are the things that make adults happy?

Appearance

And in their youth, the young ladies sit for hours at the mirror, emphasizing the cheekbones or bringing out the eyelashes. Over the years, little has changed in their lives: appearance is still paramount. Now they visit the gym, swimming pool, do SPA treatments. They make an appointment with a beautician to remove skin imperfections. If there are financial resources to keep herself in perfect shape, a woman feels happy. Some shortcomings must be able to pass through oneself, not to pay attention to them. What it is? Wrinkle? No reason to worry.

Fashion

When a grown woman decides what to wear to a dinner party? Two hours before leaving the house? Do you follow the latest fashion trends? Over the years, the realization comes that they don’t show off at parties, but try to be themselves. And it is comfortable only in those clothes that do not fit and do not press. No one has given up the desire to look beautiful. It's just that beauty has become a loose concept. They don’t discuss the younger generation or neighbors for what they wear. You can be happy in pajamas at a restaurant or in a smart winter coat at a dumpster. After 50 years, they stop believing in the power of ... matter ...

Night to sleep

Young people consider parties in the club until the morning a happy pastime. Adults - gatherings by the fireplace with their beloved husband in an embrace with an album for photographs. Quiet night - healthy sleep - no health problems.

Less friends

Common truth - over the years, the circle of friends has changed. Numerous “best friends” disappear, because of which the head and insomnia always hurt. After 50 years, only the most faithful remain around, and the feeling that natural selection has succeeded makes one happy.

How to make your life even happier in adulthood?

• Stop thinking about numbers. Age, weight, bank account are secondary, and real life is paramount;
• Be yourself. It's time to not be ashamed of your sexual orientation. It's time to show your true character. It's time to forget about the limits of decency;
• Choose new friends wisely. True friends will come in handy in sorrow and in joy;
• Laugh more;
• Make time for your health. If it disappoints, the feeling of happiness will be incomplete;
• Succeed even in detours;
• Do not control or change other people. You just need to work on yourself;
• Ask for forgiveness from friends or make confessions to friends. Why hide what haunts;
• Take it easy on failure. After the fall, there is bound to be a rise;
• Appreciate loved ones and every moment spent with them;
• Surround yourself with love and give love to others;
• Make your life better every day without relying on the help of other people;
• Don't live in the future, live in the present;
• Remember, happiness is a state of mind, not a state surrounded by material goods.

Adults are us. We ourselves are responsible for our lives and set an example for children, including an example of how to be happy. Psychologist Irina Chesnova talks about the skills of an adult that help to find happiness.

Be the author of your own life

As an adult, a person begins to build his own life. And here a lot depends on the internal position.

People who consider themselves victims of circumstances and unfavorable fate, who are sure that the world will turn to them in some wrong place, and they can change little, who blame others for their failure or bad mood, will never be satisfied with themselves and their life.

But those who soberly assess their capabilities, believe that everything is in his hands, that we are largely the creators of our own destiny, and at the same time remember the factor of luck and external sometimes irresistible forces, are much more successful and satisfied.

Scientists have found that the most important condition for a sense of well-being is the desire for a goal and the process of achieving it. An active life position and purposefulness inspire, and it is this inspiration that fills us with a sense of happiness.

Understand your needs

It is impossible to feel happy if you live not your own life and not your own interests, you do not catch the subtle whisper of your needs and desires. Unrealized needs are always a path to dissatisfaction and further to neurosis.

Usually, dissatisfaction is felt as “I feel bad” (or “everything is bad”), “they don’t understand me”, “I can’t be myself”. But! Yet each person is responsible for understanding what he wants and what he lacks.

Therefore, it is so important to establish contact with yourself, listen to yourself and look for the answer to the question “what do I want?”, “What is dear and important to me?”, “What will make me happier and how can I achieve this?”

The feeling that you know what you want and choose how, where and with whom you live gives you incredible inner strength and resistance to life's difficulties.

Accept yourself and others as they are

Each person has their own strengths and visible virtues. Everyone has their own set of imperfections. And that's okay. But as long as we do not see, recognize and accept the most diverse sides of ourselves, we do not accept others either: “Why are you like this? Change!"

We kind of cut ourselves and people in half: this, good and bright, I take, the rest is not necessary, change it, hide it. Only when we begin to see and accept ourselves in a 3D volume, do we see others as multifaceted, untruncated, close to us in some ways, and alien in others.

And we don't want to judge. And we give ourselves and others the right to make mistakes and the right to be ourselves, no better and worse than others. Just the right to be different, with your own temperament, your feelings, "sharp corners", world view, values ​​and interests.

What does this have to do with feeling happy? Most directly: acceptance gives freedom and a sense of self-worth.

It means that you are tolerant of yourself and others, internally agree that they are like that. And just live, realizing the best that you have. For pleasure. Don't beat yourself up bit by bit for imperfection. And don't waste your energy on eradicating the imperfections of others.

See reality and be flexible

I think it's clear what it's about - to see the world, yourself in it and the people around you as real, without rose-colored glasses and illusions. Otherwise, it's like this: "He hasn't called in a week because he has a lot of work." "He does not give flowers, because the old soldier does not know the words of love."

No. He does not call because he is not very interested. Or even not interested at all. And he does not give flowers, because he does not consider it necessary. I would like to please (or at worst get admiration for myself), I would have given it a long time ago.

It would seem that the “vision of reality” in this case does not make you particularly happy (who is pleased to realize that your interest is much higher than the interest of the man you like?). But this is good. This allows you not to waste time. And see everything as it is. And make the right decisions. And do not suffer later from unjustified expectations and erroneous choices.

Flexibility means that you have a wide range of tools at your disposal to cope with life. You do not act according to the same pattern, but change the way you respond. Flexibility means more room for change, which means fewer problems.

Respect and support yourself

Acceptance and vision of reality is, of course, great. But acceptance of others does not mean unconditional and permanent approval. Many people confuse this.

Accepting another person does not mean allowing yourself to be knocked on the head and silently endure everything that is unpleasant and unacceptable. This means understanding what kind of person is next to you, what are their strengths and limitations. Decide for yourself whether you want to deal with him like this.

And if he makes you uncomfortable or (perhaps unintentionally) hurts - tell him about it, and not endure, “accepting”, and not be silent. It's called self-respect.

Self-respect helps you not settle for relationships that hurt and destroy you, and choose those people with whom you feel good and who want to be around. And the ability to take care of oneself and support oneself in difficult situations increases resilience and helps not to be afraid of difficulties: “I have me. Together we'll make it."

General scientific concepts.

We all, without exception, want to be happy. Each of us sees his own happiness in the possession of certain material values ​​​​and position in society. But often, when we get what we want, we don’t feel happy. Because we forget that we did not create ourselves, but we are part of the Universe, which created us. Science already has evidence that the path of following one's nature allows a person to feel happy. Happiness is the feeling that comes when you follow your nature. In order to follow your nature, you need to understand your nature first.

Sensation is something that is moving, constantly moving, and cannot be stopped. This is his nature. Therefore, happiness cannot be bought, it cannot be possessed, happiness cannot be achieved. You can learn to move after happiness, and then the feeling of happiness will become your feeling. The expression: “to achieve happiness” is a common one, a belief is a delusion. In any society, there are many delusions, and this is normal, natural. Because generally accepted beliefs, our ancestors in the past, are created. And our life is a continuously moving and changing substance. Life is a feeling (too). Life flows, flows - they say, teachers of oriental practices. And a person, in order to be happy, needs to flow to learn, to become very (mind) mobile.

Influence of hormones. The difference between man and animals.

Happiness is a state, hormonal. After the release, by the glands of the body, into the blood - "hormones of happiness", endorphins, mainly a feeling of happiness appears. In animals, the mechanism of sensation is similar, but there are important differences. First. Animals cannot realize that they are experiencing happiness, and therefore they can only feel joy. Or sadness. Or anger. That is, emotional states, simple. Second. A person experiences sensations, with the reactions of his physical body, connected with the reactions of his thoughts. Animals, on the other hand, experience sensations that are associated only with the reactions of their physical body. Third. A person needs to be creative in order to feel happy. Such is the nature of man. From pleasures and thoughts, a feeling of happiness, very short-lived. A long-term feeling of happiness gives a person, his own creativity. Animals cannot be creative, it is not a part of their nature.

Why are the children happy?

Pay attention to children. Children follow their nature. Most children are “happy” because they play games all the time (even with “dysfunctional” parents). In games, children show their creativity and learn joyful communication. Drug addiction - happiness for 1 hour and 23 hours of unhappiness.

Because happiness is a hormonal state, it is possible to cause its sensation by artificially introducing “happiness hormones” into the blood. This is achieved by introducing drugs into the blood. This feeling of happiness is an unnatural way, which has irreversible and very unpleasant side effects:

1) You feel happy for an hour, and for the next 23 hours you feel unhappy 10 times more than usual. That is, when you use drugs, you feel yourself a very unhappy person, most of your time. And your unhappy feeling is the same, already a feeling of happiness, it seems to you. But you can't get it back.

2) Once you start using drugs, you cannot stop. Drugs suppress your will and begin to control you.

3) Drugs destroy the body (and very, quickly). In a few years or months you will die in great agony. Using drugs, you live in torment and in even greater torment, you die.

4) Drugs are very expensive. Living on a salary - you won’t find money for drugs.

Natural feeling of happiness.

"Happiness, success and joy are the by-product of properly organized activities."

(V. Frankl, famous Austrian psychologist).

To feel happy, you need to organize your activities and learn to follow your nature.

Achieved :

1) Techniques (easy) conflict-free communication.

2) The ability to satisfy your needs, using your creativity.

Happy people show their creativity in their favorite work. When you have opportunities for professional growth, and you use them, it becomes a favorite, even an unloved job. To start improving your qualifications, it is enough that you want this to be reported once a week to your boss. Your boss, after a while, will come up with something for you. Summarize. Happiness is the feeling that comes when you follow your nature. In order to follow your nature, you first need to understand your nature.

Happiness is a feeling of satisfaction and joy of perception from the world around you.

Happiness is a feeling - conscious.

Happiness is a hormonal state that appears from three influences:

1) from your physical body of reactions (pleasures);

2) from their own thoughts;

3) from their own creativity.

To feel happy, you need to organize your activities and learn to follow your nature.

If you want to be happy, be it!

Can we be happy? Some of us do, and some do not, psychologists say. Professor at the University of California at San Diego, psychologist Jean Tweng believes that all unhappy people are unhappy in the same way. More precisely, the reason that they feel depressed is one. And she explains it well.

The problem is that many of the things that make us happy are beyond our control. Some are genetically predisposed to see the world through rose-colored glasses, while others see everything in black.

Troubles happen to each of us, and the world is not perfect. People can be frustrating, work can be exhausting. However, we can still decide how to spend our free time. So it makes sense to understand which leisure activities bring us happiness and which do not.

A group of American psychologists studied how a million American teenagers spend their free time. Scientists have tried to understand which activities are associated with a sense of happiness, and which are not. The task of the researchers was to find out if the changes in the lifestyle of teenagers are connected with the fact that since 2012 they feel less and less happy. The results of the study were supposed to help explain why adults feel increasingly unhappy.

Possible culprits

The researchers analyzed a national database that included survey results of 8th, 10th, and 12th grade students since 1991. Every year, teenagers were asked questions about their feelings of happiness, and it was clarified how they spend their free time.

As it turned out, children who met with friends, went in for sports, went to religious services, read or even did homework, felt the happiest. But teenagers who spent time on the Internet, played computer games, corresponded on social networks, communicated in video chats and watched TV, were much less satisfied with life.

In other words, any activity during which people did not look at the screen
were associated with feelings of happiness.

On the contrary, if teenagers spent time in front of the screen, they felt miserable. The difference was in numbers: children who spent more than five hours a day on the computer were twice as sad as those who spent less than an hour on it.

Perhaps the fact is that it is unhappy people who are looking for opportunities to have fun using the Internet. However, a growing number of studies show that it is the screen interaction that brings the feeling of being overwhelmed, and not vice versa.

In one experiment, randomly selected people agreed to stop using Facebook for a week, and by the end of that period were happier, less lonely and depressed than those who continued to log into the social network. Another study found that young people who were forced to leave Facebook because of work were happier than those who did not close their page.

If you give advice based on all these results, then it will turn out to be very simple: put away your phone or tablet and occupy yourself with something else.

Not only teenagers

The discovery of a link between happiness and a computer screen is disturbing, because today's teenagers spend much more time in front of computers than previous generations.

Between 2006 and 2016 in the United States, the number of those who are constantly online doubled, and today 82% of students in the 12th grade of the school use social networks every day (for comparison: in 2008 they were 51%).

The level of happiness among teenagers fell sharply in 2012, when most Americans got smartphones. Self-esteem of young people also collapsed.

As well as their general sense of satisfaction with life - in particular, they stopped being satisfied with their friends and forgot how to have fun. The lack of joy in life, according to other studies, has led to an increase in the number of mental illnesses - adolescents began to show symptoms of depression more often, they became prone to self-harm and suicide.

This is especially noticeable when compared to the peppy millennials, who tend to look at the world with optimism. Modern teenagers look less self-confident and depressed compared to them.

A similar trend can also be seen in adults. Studies show that those over 30 are less happy today than people of the same age were 15 years ago and have less sex.

There can be many explanations for this, but adults also spend more time in front of screens than before. This means they are less likely to meet people one on one, including sexual partners. The result is less sex and less happiness.

Despite the fact that the decline in life satisfaction in the United States occurred during the period of rising unemployment and recession (this is 2008-2010), in 2012, when the economy began to grow, people did not begin to feel happier. The economy went up, but happiness did not increase. And this means that economic crises cannot be blamed for the fact that since 2012 we have been getting worse and worse.

Surprisingly, teens who did not use digital technology at all felt slightly more miserable than those who spent some time (less than an hour a day) in front of the screen. But with each new hour at the computer or smartphone, the level of happiness decreases. Thus, the happiest teenagers are those who spend limited time in front of the screen.

The solution to the problem is simple. And for the sake of this, you do not need to completely abandon smartphones or computers. The way to happiness, as usual, is in moderation. Use your phone only for what it was designed for. And then put it aside and devote your time to something else.

Maybe you will be happier.

Feeling of happiness... A person is designed in such a way that he constantly strives for it. But does he know what happiness is? How do we imagine it? What do we do to achieve it and what do we get as a result?

The feeling of happiness: how to achieve it? What is happiness for us and where is it?

First, I want to note, and probably everyone will agree with this, that the feeling of happiness is an intangible category, not one that can be felt. Even if for someone the feeling of happiness arises as a reaction to some object, say, money, then it is not the money itself that is happiness, but the attitude of this person towards them. That is, happiness, its feeling, is a category related to the internal state of a person, and depends on his values. It does not exist by itself, outside of man. And at the same time, a person feels it as a result of interaction with the outside world.

Secondly, can this category be eternal? Within the framework of one person - no, since the person himself is not eternal. Moreover, even within one lifetime, moments of happiness are replaced by suffering. Even an elementary short-term hunger or a cold is already a small suffering that every person has experienced. Suffering is the opposite of feeling happy, and just getting out of that suffering can already feel like happiness. A little suffering is a small happiness, a great suffering is a great happiness. Often we get a feeling of happiness in contrast to suffering.

But it happens that a person does not experience suffering for a very long time, and then he does not separate these two categories, he does not even know that he is happy, he does not have thoughts about this and that something needs to be done, to become happy. He just does what he does, without thinking about being happy, because he is already in it.

Why do some people experience a lot of suffering while others do not? This is perhaps the question that has tormented mankind since ancient times. I'll try to approach his answer from a new perspective - systems-vector psychology and I will try not to hurt the feelings of those who have much suffering.

So, the feeling of happiness in the general sense in system-vector psychology is defined as the pleasure experienced by a person as a response to filling his innate properties, desires, which occurs due to his interaction with other people, animals, objects - everything that is around a person. In what role nature has prepared for us, we have no choice. To fulfill it, we are given a set of corresponding desires, which are also beyond our control, and properties (talents) for their implementation, which is called a vector. There are eight in total. A person can have several vectors, and then he will have more desires, and, accordingly, more properties, predispositions. In addition, there is such a thing as temperament - it is, as it were, a quantitative measure of desires in a person. For example, two people with the same vectors, but different temperaments, will have desires of different strengths. Coming into the world with his desires already embedded in him, a person has all the opportunities for their realization - there is everything in the world with which a person can realize them and experience a feeling of happiness.

A huge role in how a person will receive pleasure and whether he will be able to receive them, and not be constantly in suffering, occasionally experiencing relief, is played by development from birth to 14-15 years old, which is more dependent on parents. Until this age, the given properties develop to a certain level, and already in adulthood we use these properties to satisfy our desires (under certain conditions, the inclinations may not develop at all and even go into a minus, and then we will get a person who is not at all able to receive pleasure).

So, that person who rarely and briefly experiences suffering, who is he? How is it arranged? This is exactly the person whose innate properties, vectors, are not only developed, but also realized: that is, a person is in such conditions and in such an environment where it is possible to realize them, and only them, that is, simultaneously with the manifestation of their own, innate , it is not required to display properties alien to it. This is the mechanism for obtaining pleasure, which is felt inside as happiness. Again, I repeat that it is impossible to feel it in the absence of external conditions conducive to this, in the absence of a society, a collective into which these properties are “carried out”, because “not taken out” properties that have not been released by action are not alive, they are “ go out" inside a person, bringing him suffering, since the plan of nature regarding this person has not been implemented by him.

Here we come to the cause of suffering. Having inside our desires (as it seems to us, our own, but we do not create them) and a certain level of development of our vectors, but not being able to realize them - external conditions - we do not get our pleasure and a feeling of happiness, joy according to the mechanism described above .

So what is our freedom of choice as a person? It seems that it doesn’t exist at all: we don’t choose our desires and innate properties, we don’t choose our role in society either (although sometimes it seems to us that it’s the other way around, but choosing not our role, but someone else’s, we “for some reason” and there is no feeling of happiness). For everyone there is a certain mechanism for obtaining pleasure, which is also not chosen by us.

But then what are we doing here? What can we choose?

In all of this, there is only one variable - these are external conditions. Environment. This concept includes not only people, groups with which a person closely deals, but also books, information, films, everything that surrounds him and somehow affects him. This is the corner in our minds that we equip ourselves, of course, taking into account our initial data. It is in this way that a person is able to experience a feeling of happiness or suffering according to his own choice.

What is the meaning of our suffering? They are a lack of pleasure, happiness, telling us what properties in us remained unused, not brought out, what else nature wants from us, which has placed such a burden on us in the form of our desires. They are the whip that makes us move, live, express ourselves. It will not be possible to sit on the sidelines, we all influence this world in the same way that it affects us.

If we experience suffering, it means that we have gone in the wrong direction, against our nature, and it is trying in every possible way to return us to our only true path, the path of self-realization and happiness.

Despite seeming fatalism, we actually have a huge arsenal, a huge choice in where we can do it. It's just that for the most part we live with ignorance of these laws, the laws of our human nature, and therefore we poke at random, exploring ourselves through our own experience, most often bad. Or, mired in huge egocentrism, those who disagree with these laws, “fight with the hardness of the stone”, trying to prove to themselves and to someone else that we ourselves determine EVERYTHING, that we are the masters of our lives. However, from the above reasoning, it is clear that we are already them, you just need to know where and what it is - my life. The owner of anything must know and understand what is good and what is bad for this "whatever".

Knowing exactly how to get that very cherished pleasure, a feeling of happiness and experience less suffering, without poking at random, without accumulating bad experience, becomes much easier with the knowledge of your nature, its laws. These laws, after many centuries of searching, are finally revealed to our understanding and formed into a beautiful, complete system .

Mankind, more deeply comprehending the laws of inanimate nature, has learned to physically live more comfortably, reducing distances with the help of land, water, air transport, illuminating houses not only during the day, but also at night, and even creating a new two-dimensional communication space - the Internet. We have come a long way in the life of the body. The life of the soul and its comfort are far behind in time. Now there is a tool for this.

At the training in system-vector psychology, people not only receive information about How is our mental , about the laws that operate in it and are not visible to the eye, but also naturally learn to live with the knowledge of these laws, receiving more pleasure and less suffering.

Thousands of people around the world are already changed their lives and learned how to make her happier. Your time has come.